Before I started running my own healing practice and creative projects, I felt like I was lost in corporate structures and cities that were squashing my natural impulses. The paycheck was good, the soul crushing was hard.
I spent a lot of time re-finding my ability to listen to my soul’s pulses, and created a spontaneous, adventurous life.
I did that for a long time.
The caveat for such a thing is often security, and after awhile, I really missed that.
But my principles within were strong, I was not going to compromise my freedom and integrity again.
Except I wanted to build something I could count on, and I had not developed those skills whatsoever, in fact I had deliberately unlearned them.
How was I going to find a sustainable motivation to build something stable for myself, and for my clients?
Acting on inspiration is exciting, don’t get me wrong, it’s my nature, and I will continue to do it, but it doesn’t work for everything.
Consider, that you if you are always acting on pure inspiration, that everything in your life will need to stop to line up with it. As you grow in responsibility it simply is not possible to do it that way. Anyone with kids understands this.
Consider, that if you magnetize big opportunities with your inspirational energy, with no real foundation for it to land in and expand, it will always be overwhelming and unsustainable.
Years ago, I was on an airplane thinking I would give up my practice for good and be a musician or whatever, again. But first, I decided to go through every course, workshop, and offering I had ever created in the last 20 years.
Brought to tears and overcome by my body of work, and the unique energy and myth fueling it, I realized that through every stage of my life, I was constantly inspired and determined to bring forth spirit’s teachings.
In fact, it was the most stable thing in my life, the thing I could count on, no matter what.
Even when I had nothing: no home, no money, no community, no partner, I had spirit’s inspiration and love flowing through me, wanting to create.
I never had to try with these sacred impulses, they had a life of their own, and they were mine!
They wake me up in the middle of the night, still.
They wake me up in the morning, still.
They put me to bed, still.
They fill my dreams, still.
They plow through my resistance and blocks, and compel me to heal, to travel, to paint, to write, to share, to teach, to market, to sell, to earn, to donate, to give freely, to collaborate.
They never have not.
On top of that, I deeply loved every single thing I had made, shared and offered. I remembered and felt the connection with my students, clients, colleagues and friends, and cherished every sacred moment.
Throughout my life, and through this body of work I have created, my devotion to spirit, and spirits devotion to me has never ceased.
In this potent moment of review, 26,000 feet up in the air, my life changed.
I snapped out of it.
I stopped rejecting my most precious gift, and started honoring it.
I stopped rebelling against my dharma, and I starting worshipping it.
I surrendered fully into my purpose, and there was nothing more inspiring than the constant song of devotion to my unique gift, and those who sung it with me.
My heart melted into this truth. I no longer had to sacrifice my inspiration, as it had just evolved into something far greater than I had understood:
Devotion.
As a devotee, I simply was willing to do anything, work through anything, overcome anything to do my dharma justice. I was ready to stand in full commitment to my work.
Our lives are our sacred, creative masterpieces.
Finding our reason, is finding our fuel supply.
The inquiry is important if we keep having false starts, or we don’t have the steam to move through our resistance.
There is always a way through.
From the Deep Mystery,
CC Treadway